As I scroll through the mangerie of social media, I find that I’m filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Be it laughter and a smile from Black boy/girl joy and magic videos, or ponderment as to how people are seemingly living as per usual in these trying times. So on the one hand as I’m presented with this Black magical joy… but contemplation, I’m overwhelmingly filled with sadness and anger (and more so NOW, than ever)! Like when I read another White male domestic terrorist is treated as though his bombing act was benign. To only then read, yet another Black man “fits the description”; and is hand cuffed in front of his children while eating lunch at the mall. Then unjustly escorted outside, to be told later that he wasn't the one. WTF?!
Police unjustly detaining Jamar Mackey. Lynnhaven Mall, Virginia Beach
Now is this ANYTHING NEW? NO! Is it any less traumatizing and re-traumatzing? Angering and saddening? Also, NO! We Black folks are so sick and tired that we can’t even any longer say “We are tired of being sick and tired”! Between the crazy devastation and massive amounts of ensued selfishness of Covid, to the civil and racial injustices/unrest, I’m about to LOOSE MY SH*T!
Now some may think that we should be celebrating as we’re going to be receiving a new administration. That is if we even get that far. Seeing as the current one has… LOST it’s sh*t! Nevertheless, to those that have “hope”, I say from WHERE? By no means am I a pessimistic or a negative person. But I am a realist, however. And I can’t even say that I’m cautiously optimistic. Optimism is a luxury I just don't have in times likes these and in a country like this. I am BLACK and that comes with certain truths! Truths that even go far beyond the atrocities my enslaved ancestors endured. Realism is my truth! And the truth is this country was NOT MADE FOR US! Built by us, but not made for us! And sadly, in the 21st century that's NO exception. So is it any wonder why I am about to loose my sh*t?!
I guess I’m stressing because we obviously must be regretting some fictitious voting choice, when we STILL take issue with the oppressive and inhumane treatment we receive (I get reminded of this almost daily as racist and White supremacist trolls love to regurgitate it on BLM Sac pages). While they know nothing but their own gruesome and willful hate, doesn't mean I’m not questioning. Just NOT their dumb AF line of questioning!
I’m more interested to know where do I put all of these hurt and traumatized feelings that keep getting reactivated with every White pass and Black ass kicking? How do I process one overtly racist and continually oppressive administration supposedly on its way out, with one I’m not so sure of either, barely getting in? How do I speak to my own Black people when they are just as unsure and grasping at explanations? Speaking of my Black people, it goes without saying we have work to do! We are conflicted and afflicted with the oppressors generational dream. Meanwhile, trying to navigate our own personal lives irrespective to this outside chaos. We know we have to do better! But don't need White trauma’s daddy telling us how or when! You see why I’m about to loose my sh*t? And to those of you that don't truly understand, you are exactly why… I’M ABOUT TO LOOSE MY SH*T!